Ryan's Lost

Okay, I know I haven't been on here in forever so I just wanted to update on whats going on with me.

Heres what happened- Michelle and I were engaged, which most of you know. Well, I don't know if she was nervous about the committment thing or what, but she went crazy on me and left. She was gone for about a week, at her sisters, and then came back while I was at work one day only to get all of her belongings and leave me with nothing. Well, I shouldn't say nothing. She left me a lamp we bought together at Ikea, a coffee table, and my clothes. Ha yeah, that was pretty rough. I hoped that we'd at least stay friends, but that has yet to happen. We haven't talked in over 2 months now...

Now, I'm currently living in NSB again. HAHA with Matt. But it wasn't that simple. First, I lived at my parents in the apt. above the garage. Which wasn't too bad, but I hated it. Matt and I found a house within about 3 weeks, and we've been here since. It's about 4 miles south of the other house we lived in over here. I'm still single, which is good cause I'm definitely not ready for another relationship. I was ready to marry Michelle and give her everything, and for no apparent reason she left me. There's some kind of saying people say about being a "broken man" and I honestly feel like that's me. She was a beautiful, smart, amazing girl. And I wanted nothing more in life than to make her wife. Now, I have nothing with her, not even a friendship and I really hate it. But I'm not one to dwell on things, so on a better note, I have Matt by my side everyday, and Nicole, who Matt is now dating. And of course, the one and only Kayla. She's not there as much as I'd like, but I understand she has her own life right now and has been really busy with work and school and her man.

Lets see, what else is new... I still drive a 4runner, but not the same one. I upgraded, so now I'm rollin in an '08 but its got my same rims and all the goodies that the '05 had, only its brand fuckin new!
Halloween Horror Nights is coming up. Can't wait for that. And we're throwing a huge Halloween party either at our house or Nicole's. Thats about all that's going on with me right now. Oh and I have a myspace now. HAHA

the girls voted and we lost... so sunday night is the cocktail party and it's gonna be big! lol cocktails, champagne, and gorgeous girls all night long! .....
then back to ga which will surely lead me to a state of depression...

staying in nsb a little longer than we expected and i'm super stoked about it. i love being there for my best friends and having their back. and taking care of super hot drunk girls that tend to take off their clothes when they drink...

leaving in the morning for florida. i wish my parents still lived in deland so we could stay there but i guess we'll be in nsb for a while staying with matt and kristin. i'm hoping to see my bestfriend and party for a few days. oh, and planning on seeing andrew because he's gonna be helping us move.

i'm engaged to an amazing girl, my best friend, Michelle Janelle Thompson.
we're moving back to new smyrna beach, florida. soon.
i'm going to school, getting my business degree.
i've been doing a lot of filming lately, and photography.
and last but certainly not least, i love my best friend more than anything. kayla jane broadbent.

p.s. i took for granted the best friendship i ever had. and ive never had a regret in life, but i do now. i wish i could go back and be a better friend to her and stick around instead of leaving her when she needed someone most....

my new year went ok. i pretty much just hung out with matt and steven. i got completely wasted. i was too depressed being in chicago, and all alone. i miss my friends, and most of all, kayla, my best friend. even though she may not think so, she is. im so lost without her being around. not being able to hang out with her.. or go to the beach, or try to teach her to play the guitar. i still havent found a way to get home, but im definitely working on it.

i moved again. im now living in chicago with matt. its temporary though, so ill be moving again soon...

im ready to move once again. blake drinks and smokes like he eats and breathes. its ridiculous. florida, here i come.

i got an email from kayla jane's ex-b/f today. haha he makes me laugh. he's such an idiot. he knows that she has a b/f, but apparently he's been calling her and she wont answer. so, im his last resort, or so he says. he wants me to talk to her and see why she hates him, why she wont answer his phone calls, and if she still has feelings for him. i didnt email him back yet, mainly because i was laughing at what an idiot he is. okay, lets see, he cheated on her, and yes, she was in love with him, i have no doubt about that. she doesnt answer his phone calls because she's finally moved on to someone way better, and as for her having feelings for him, yes, she does. they are very cold and cruel. she fuckin hates the dude okay. how can someone be such an idiot? yes, kayla's amazing. he was lucky as hell to ever have her, but dude, move the fuck on!

I've been living with Dave. It was fun, but I'm ready for something new. So, I just moved in with my cousin, who just moved out here. It's awesome, but I'm seriously ready for change. I need to get back to Florida. I need to get out of California. I've decided that when I retire, I'm going to live in the mountains in Colorado. It just seems like a really peaceful place. Why not? I haven't been talking to Kayla Nicole. We were hanging out a lot, and then she told me she really liked me and that she had feelings for me, then when I went to surprise her and take her to dinner the other night, I was driving up and saw her kissing her 'ex-b/f'... soo yea. I'm done with her. She was sweet, but I guess she was sweet to a lot of people. I need to get my hair cut. It's long. Looks like shit. My cousin Blake is fucking crazy. He moved here, for no apparent reason, and he's already got a kick ass job. Damn. I'm jealous.

i just got back from kayla nicole's. she's a fun girl. reminds me of my old friend a little... young, restless, and opinionated.

sometimes i forget to draw a line between fantasy and reality...

i called my friend mike the other night and he was at a wedding, well at the rehearsal dinner... and kayla was there. that made my night..well my week. everythings been really shitty lately.
although, i did meet a girl. we're just friends and we hang out quite a bit. she's a sweetheart. her name is..well kayla, but if i talk about her i'll call her kayla nicole, and my best friend kayla jane. dont be confused. we're going to a show together tonight. she wants to introduce me to this band that she's friends with. im down.

where has everyone gone? i havent been able to get a hold of any of my friends lately. and being lonely sucks. i miss florida.

ive been outta town. went with dave and chris and we stayed on the beach for about a week. it was a nice, well needed vacation. fun too. ha we had this kick ass party and got so drunk, then i guess i called michelle and left her a message. she called me laughing so hard this morning. thats something i really miss. michelles laugh. shes amazing.
my bday is coming up...

i havent written in here in a few days. been busy i guess. mainly just trying to occupy myself with random actions and events, in which nothing is helping. im depressed. my anemia is getting worse, but the doctor says it wont get any worse if i just eat green veggies...problem: i dont eat green veggies. nothing green, except green gummi bears. i can deal i guess. this happens every year around this time. being anemic sucks. im always, have no energy, fatigue, fuck dude, i got all the syptoms right now, its at its worst right now. im hoping it'll get better. this really gets me down.
so today dave was doin some tattoo on this guy and hes in a band and they're looking for a vocalist and a guitar player. i got his number, told him im into both, so i think im gonna give him a call tomorrow. he gave me a demo of they're old songs, and they're not too bad. im very opinionated though, so hopefully they're open to whatever i have to say. i mean, im not wanting to take over, but if they want me to help them out and be in the band, then im not gonna have it sound like shit. im gonna put in what i have to offer. hopefully something will work out there. i miss playin shows. shit i miss the old band. and practice at the rainbow house. karaoke. the video on the beach...sweet shit like that.
im tired. its only like 10 but im going to bed. my apartments cold, dark, quiet, and im fucking lonely. i miss my dog. sataniel. he was amazing. i think im gonna have mom bring him to me. yes, thats what i need. im calling her now. night.

my birthday's coming up. im stoked. actually, no im not. whats there to be 'stoked' about? im stuck in california, i dont have my friends, no one special to spend it with, nothing really that i can do to make it fun, and i basically doubt anyone will even remember. besides my mom and maybe, just maybe, my kayla... who i really wish was here because there's no one else id rather spend my bday with. or any day for that matter.
i drank a gallon of milk in an hour today. mainly because the guys at work were all saying that they heard it wasnt possible without puking, so me and chad went and bought 5 gallons of milk, and the girl at the store, who was fuckin hot, thought we were crazy. we went back and all began at the same time. everyone puked except me and dave. soo it is possible for all you non-believers out there......

work was awesome today. i didnt really do much so i decided to draw a pirate ship. it looks fuckin awesome. it'd be a great tattoo. it goes perfectly with my pirate tattoo.

she's absolutely amazing.

I can remember, parking lot nights
What did they mean to you?
Wrapping my arms around your body
Protecting and holding you
And holding you

Looking inside of my heart
It was such a big surprise
We've gone and done it again
Does he love you like i can?
Like i can

Maybe it wasn't good enough, but again you are not good
Will you stay up late if you cant sleep
Cause baby i would (i would)
And baby i could (i could)

And your the grim reaper standing down, and letting me feel this way
With your sweet whispers that never told me you need me this way (this way)
Staying this way (this way)

If you told me you were happy
If you told me that you miss me
Is it something that i cant see
It's something i cant be
Something i cant be

(If you told me)
(IF YOU TOLD ME)

Maybe it wasn't good enough, but again you are not good
Would he stay up late if you cant sleep
Cause baby i would (i would)
(Good Enough, Good Enough, Etc. Etc.)